Shit I Learned In The Netherlands

I was a fortunate enough lady to get 16 whole days off from teaching the herds of feral animals at school and to embark on a trip to The Netherlands and Belgium. The best thing about this is that my friend who I met this time last year in a hostel in Bali invited me to stay with her in Utrecht for a bit and to also spend Christmas eve night with her family for dinner. Not only did I learn from this that I am a luck lady for having such great people in my life, I learned a few other classic Danni things…. here are just a few from the Netherlands! Belgium is a whole other story and will just have to come a bit later…

  • Knuffelen…. The best word to use to pick up the Dutch folk. It means “cuddles?”
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My first dutch “knuffelen” from the lovely Bola!
  • When visiting a peep show in the Red Light District, one should not give a running commentary… So here I am on a walking tour alone getting sent in to see a peep show. I join a box with a Chinese girl I’ve just met. I didn’t even manage to catch her name before we’re thrown in. Her first comment is “wow that guy has a really ugly, bald head…” OK. This is an acceptable comment… kinda… My first comment was “Wow she clearly isn’t enjoying that! Dry as fuck! Like rubbing sandpaper on your vagina! Send in the lube brigade!!” The guy clearly hears me as he stares right and me and then pulls back her legs to give me a better view. “Yep. I was right! No glistening rays of sunshine there… dry as fuck! This is boring! I’m outta here….”. Sometimes I need to close my mouth and just leave it that way… especially in the Red Light District hahahaha (ba boom ching… double funny).
  • Wijn actually means “wine”… too easy!
  • Dutch Tinder is way more entertaining than English Tinder… senses of humour are rampant. I met a guy who both studies AND possesses genetics. What a catch!
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More amazing food at the pre Christmas Markets in Den Bosch.
  • Van Gogh painted hundreds of paintings that are just exceptional. It is a shame that he lost his mind and couldn’t cope with staying on earth any longer to grace us with more of his magnificence.
  • When one engages in eating about 6 oliebollen (Dutch round fried donut with raisins) a day, one will get fat. No doubt about it all. I’ve tried and tested this theory avidly.
  • On the topic of food, they invented my perfect dessert… they call it a “Bossche bollen”. It is basically a giant ball of whipped cream with as little pastry as possible encasing it and then they roll it in chocolate for good measure. It’s almost as good as eating whipped cream from the can and way more socially acceptable.

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  • Dutch clothing shops are cool and next time I should bring less in my bag if I don’t want to wind up stuffing half of my belongings in my already tight pants from eating too much shit….

Oh and flirting with train inspectors will get you out of a fine. Especially when you explain to them that you have no idea whether the ticket worked or not because you don’t read or speak Dutch. “I’m Australian… (Te he he, hair flick…) “please help me! I don’t know what I am doing! Knuffelen?! :)” That said I don’t know whether this is what my friend Helen had in mind for “Servitude September” which I clearly didn’t do because… well ok, just because….  (stay tuned for my second attempt), but I will try pass it off anyway.

Well that is it for the new year! Catch you all next week!

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