When morons have renovated your house and you need to fix it

So for anyone who missed it, I bought an apartment. And in buying an apartment I have had the realization that I have, in fact – despite my ferocious resolve to never do so – become OCD like my mother. Everywhere I look I am annoyed by the ridiculously careless and half-arsed efforts of the morons that quickly renovated this place for it’s sale. As someone who takes pride in the work that they do, the lack of respect and forethought into the work astounds me. Especially when it looks like they have put some silicon over here and then run out of the tube and couldn’t be fucked buying another one for six dollars so just left the job unfinished. Or couldn’t be bothered to seal the sink so that the water wouldn’t rot the kitchen bench…. or even grout the bathroom tiles. They just had a crack at filling up the gaps with some tile adhesive cement and when they ran out of that left some holes for water to get into around the place for decoration. It physically hurts my eyes and my soul every single time I look at a hole between the tiles and I flick back and forward between wanting to cry and smack the idiot with a fly swat.

While I knew some of this when I moved in, I discovered a whole lot more of it when I started living in the place. It is generally not until you start to occupy the space that many annoying things come to view. Today I hemmed my curtains to discover that the floor is uneven…. My friend is trying to convince me I did a shit job at hemming them and I am adamant that I measured that shit down to the millimeter. (I think she is taking the piss with me and trying to get a rise – oops, I took the bait!) The floor is definitely uneven…… Every time I look at the curtains now my OCD self is going to get annoyed. Maybe I should have hemmed them crooked…..

So anyway, my point… I am getting there! I started this blog as a challenge blog. Thomas Takes On. And what I was originally taking on was the challenges involved in travelling the world. Right now, nobody is travelling anywhere, especially us in Australia. So my latest challenge of renos is game on! I will become handyperson extraordinaire, D-I-Y guru of the highest order and all-round fucking fixer if it is the last thing I do. And most importantly, I WILL DO A GOOD JOB OF IT (unlike the people who had a crack at this the first time). How hard can it be?? (famous last words…..)

I am sure that there are going to be massive tears of frustration along the way and desperate phone calls to the brother and mother screaming “HELP!!” and a whole bunch crazy video watching online (I have already watched some Bunnings tutorials and Selley’s online silicone tutorials). But I am determined to do this! I have also sent my mother (in a not locked down state) to Bunnings to do recon and chat to the lads for me and get advice. Equipped with an order list of 30 items to be delivered to my house for the weekend, I am excited for the new adventure that lies ahead and the learning that is inevitably going to come with it. Bring on the new challenge!

We will start with sealing the kitchen sink. Then we will try and remove the excess tile cement from the walls and floor and scrape some of this out in preparation to grout. I will then also attack the mould growing in the window frames by striping and sanding them back, treating them to kill the mould and then repainting and resealing the windows. And then deal with the shit show of the grout on the bathroom floor. For now. Then I might attempt the shit show that is the hole in the wall the size of a dinner plate to allow the kitchen sink pipe in. If I look through the cupboard I can see the kids in the neighbourhood childcare centre running around over the road out of that hole, it is that big, I shit you not. Currently it is stopped up with a cardboard box and tape to stop the bugs getting in….. Anyway, a new phase in life. New learning. New challenges And I plan on doing it fucking fabulously!

*Cue “Independent Woman, Part 1” by Destiny’s Child as I dance around the house in a Superwoman outfit because that is how I plan to get this shit done – and with no audience or help, of course, because with current lockdown restrictions, nobody is allowed to come to my house (“What’s a help??)*

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